


A Saphael Alphabet

by sappho3010



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Biting, Blood, Blood Sharing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot Collection, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Saphael, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:03:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18090536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sappho3010/pseuds/sappho3010
Summary: A collection of Saphael one shots





	1. Asexual

**Author's Note:**

> I️ decided to do a Saphael alphabet because I'm totally original. Okay, in all seriousness, I️ really hope that you enjoy it. I️ am accepting suggestions for this fic and also just in general, so please leave them in the comments!

“Go away. I’m busy,” Raphael said without even looking up from his desk. He didn’t need to; he knew it was Simon. 

Simon shut the door behind him, entering the room anyway despite Raphael’s instructions. 

With an eye roll, Raphael looked up at Simon. 

“What do you want?” Raphael asked bitterly. 

Without asking for permission, Simon sat down at the chair in front of Raphael’s desk. 

“We need to talk,” Simon stated. “You’ve been avoiding me.” 

Raphael cleared his throat. Of course he’d been avoiding Simon, but he’d never admit that as it would only lead Simon to asking exactly why he’d been doing so which he didn’t want to say. 

“I️’ve been busy. It’s not all about you,” Raphael replied. 

Simon shook his head. 

“Cut the crap, Raph. I don’t know what I️ did to make you so mad at me. I️ told you I️t was fine if you weren’t ready to take the next step…” 

“You don’t get it,” Raphael interrupted. With this, he rose from his seat, turning away from Simon to face the back wall. 

Simon decided to try a slightly different approach. He came up behind Raphael, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re right, I️ don’t. So, please, just explain it to me. I know you have trouble opening up, but I don’t know how we’re supposed to make this work if you won’t talk to me,” Simon explained, his voice softer. 

Raphael shook his head, moving away from Simon’s touch before turning to face him. He sighed. 

“I don’t know if we can make it work at all,” Raphael replied. 

Simon took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief. Had Raphael really tried to ghost him? When they lived in the same goddamn hotel? 

“So, what? You’re breaking up with me just like that?” Simon asked, his voice angry and bitter but the wavering revealing that he was suppressing tears. 

Raphael took a step forward, closing the gap between him and Simon. He gently placed a hand on the other’s face, hoping to comfort him. 

“It’s not like that. I️ care about you, and you deserve someone who can give you everything that you want and I️ can’t,” he explained. Simon still wasn’t understanding. 

“Raphael, I️ told you if you weren’t ready-“ 

“I️ never will be ready,” Raphael said. 

Seeing the look of confusion on the fledgling’s face, Raphael braced himself for what he was about to tell him. He wasn’t sure if it was the right time. Hell, he didn’t even know if the right time existed. Still, he was going to do it anyway. 

“I’m just not like that. I’m not interested in sex. I️ never have been, and I️ never will be,” Raphael explained. 

There was a slight look of shock on Simon’s face. He nodded slowly, taking it all in. There was a moment of silence. This couldn’t have been good; Simon was never silent. 

“So, you’re asexual?” Simon mused, his words coming out much slower than normal. 

Raphael raised an eyebrow in confusion. Then, his eyes widened at the realization, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“I️…there’s…there’s a word for it?” Raphael asked, his eyes wide with a surprising expression of hope. 

A smile crept across Simon’s face as he nodded. Raphael’s reaction alone really put things into perspective for Simon. The world really had changed in all of the time that the older vampire had been alive. 

“Of course there is, Raph. You’re not alone. There are tons of people who feel exactly how you do,” Simon said. 

He then saw the ghost of a smile on Raphael’s face through his pensive expression, still processing everything that Simon was telling him. 

“And you? You’re okay with it?” Raphael asked. 

Simon took Raphael’s hand in his own. 

“Of course I️ am. Why wouldn’t I️ be?” Simon asked. 

“I don’t know. I️ just thought maybe it was important to you,” Raphael replied. 

Simon shook his head. 

“You’re what’s important to me, Raph. You,” Simon said. 

Raphael nodded. 

“I’m sorry for not just confronting you,” Raphael said. 

Simon nodded. 

“It’s okay. Just promise me one thing?” 

Raphael gave Simon a look to indicate that he was listening. 

“Just promise me that you’ll be open with me about what you are and aren’t comfortable with, okay?” 

“Okay."


	2. Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Raphael have a special bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Tumblr user @siimonsfangs for the word suggestion! Checkout they suggested both the words blood and bond so I️ sort of combined the two. You can check out their blog at siimonsfangs.tumblr.com.

Simon knocked on Magnus’s door furiously, struggling to keep himself upright. Not only was the pain from his abdominal wound getting more and more painful, but everything was beginning to go fuzzy and he felt himself growing more and more lightheaded from the blood loss. He gave one more harsh knock before finding himself doubled over in pain, groaning as he unsuccessfully attempted to regain his upright posture. 

He managed to look up as he heard the door open, seeing Magnus’s disapproving glance. He gave a deep sigh before stepping aside and gesturing for Simon to enter. 

“What did you get yourself into this time?” Magnus asked as he closed the door behind him. 

Simon collapsed on the sofa, hissing in pain as he clutched at the wound before answering. 

“I️ was doing a favor for Clary,” he explained, his voice strained from how much pain he was in. 

Magnus clicked his tongue in a chastising manner as he shook his head at the fledging. He sighed as he exited the room before returning with gauze and sitting down next to the vampire. 

Simon winced as Magnus began to apply the gauze. 

“Hold still,” Magnus instructed. “I️ don’t want you bleeding all over my furniture.” 

Simon closed his eyes, focusing on holding still as Magnus continued. 

“The bleeding should have stopped by now,” Magnus pondered, a hint of concern in his voice. 

Simon opened his eyes again, looking at the warlock. Magnus had a pensive expression on his face that was soon replaced by a look of disappointment as Magnus figured out why Simon wasn’t healing. 

“When was the last time you ate something?” Magnus asked, knowing that it most definitely wasn’t recent enough. 

Simon swallowed, his jaw clenching. 

“Oh, you know, earlier…” Simon said. 

Magnus raised an eyebrow. 

“How much earlier?” he asked. 

It was at that point that Simon had to redirect his gaze, unable to make eye contact with the warlock. He was silent for a moment, but that only prompted Magnus to ask again more forcefully. 

Simon gave a resigned sigh. 

“Three days? I️ think? Or maybe four. I don’t know,” he answered honestly, knowing that if he tried to lie Magnus would see right through it. 

Magnus shook his head. 

“Well, in that case, you’re lucky that you didn’t lose more blood, because if you have given your habits it could have been a lot more serious. I️ assume that Raphael is unaware of you neglecting your needs,” Magnus responded. 

Simon nodded, shoulders slumping slightly. 

“Yeah, that’s kinda why I️ came here instead of the DuMort. I️ didn’t want Raphael to find out…” 

Simon was interrupted by the sound of Magnus’s door swinging open, causing both Simon and Magnus to direct their attention there. In the doorway stood a very angry looking Raphael. 

“While I️ do always appreciate your visits, I️ would much you knocking over breaking my door,” Magnus remarked. 

Completely ignoring Magnus’s comment, Raphael immediately rushed to Simon’s side. 

“Dios mio! What did you do this time?” Raphael asked. 

When Simon was silent, Raphael looked to Magnus for a response. 

“A favor for the Fairchild,” Magnus said, looking at the clan leader and then back at the fledgling who shot him a look of annoyance. 

Raphael rolled his eyes. 

“Idiota! When will you stop risking your own life for Shadowhunters?” Raphael hissed, practically spitting out the last word. It was just his luck. Of course he had to fall for the boy who was far too kind and selfless for his own good. 

Simon simply looked down toward his feet, like a small child being scolded for breaking an antique vase. 

“And why aren’t you healing?” Raphael added, quickly looking to Magnus as he figured that Simon wouldn’t give him an answer. 

“Your boyfriend here has been starving himself. Again,” Magnus replied. 

Raphael inhaled sharply, the look on his face making Magnus decide to retreat. 

“On that note, I️ should probably go get some blood for Stanley,” Magnus said, rising from the sofa before retreating to the kitchen. 

Raphael then took Magnus’s seat. He placed his hands on his legs, running them from his knees and back. With his eyes closed, he took a deep breath to collect himself. Not completely blowing up at Simon all the time was a work in progress, but Raphael certainly was trying. 

“You promised me that you’d talk to me about these things,” Raphael said softly. For Simon, this was way worse than him yelling. 

“I know,” Simon replied sheepishly. “I️ just…I don’t know. I️ guess I️ don’t want you to have to worry about me.” 

Raphael placed a hand on Simon’s knee, causing Simon to meet Raphael’s gaze, the two of them taking a moment to just look into each other’s eyes. 

“I️ worry because I️ care,” Raphael whispered. 

Simon offered a small smile and nodded, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. 

“I️ know,” he said. “I’m sorry.” 

It was with that that Magnus entered the room again, a glass of blood in his hand. He offered it to Simon, who accepted it with trembling hands. For a moment, Simon simply stared at the glass. His vampire senses were reacting and urging him to feed, and yet at the same time he was completely frozen. He turned to Raphael with a pleading expression on his face. 

With that, Raphael placed a hand on the fledgling’s shoulder and nodded. 

“It’s okay. You can do it, mi alma,” he encouraged. 

With that, Simon nodded and took a deep breath before bringing the glass to his lips. That was always the hardest part. The rest wasn’t, and the glass was empty within seconds. 

When Simon set the glass down on the coffee table, Magnus picked it up to return it to the kitchen, gently placing a hand on the fledgling’s shoulder giving him a smile and a nod on his way there. 

Raphael kissed Simon on the cheek. 

“I know this isn’t easy for you. I’m proud of you,” Raphael said earnestly. 

Simon nodded, but his gaze was somewhere faraway. 

“Can I️ ask you something?” he asked. 

“Of course, anything,” Raphael replied. 

“How…how did you know to find me here?” Simon asked. 

At that, Raphael’s entire body tensed. He then tried to mask it with a shrug. 

“Lucky guess, I️ suppose,” Raphael answered. 

Simon gave an incredulous look and shook his head. 

“No, no. You knew I️ was here,” Simon said. 

He took a moment to scan Raphael’s expression. There was most definitely something that he wasn’t telling him. 

Simon looked at Raphael intensely, brows drawn together in deep thought. His expression then softened and he appeared almost in awe. 

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Simon asked. 

When Raphael didn’t respond, Simon continued to speak. 

“I️ have this feeling. It’s almost like we’re connected somehow. I️ can’t really explain it, but….you feel it too, don’t you?” Simon concluded. 

Raphael looked directly into Simon’s eyes. A moment of stillness and silence passed before Raphael simply nodded. 

Raphael then cleared his throat. 

“It’s rare…something I️ thought I’d never experience. It’s a sort of a bond between vampires. We haven’t made it official, but it’s basically a connection you feel. You want to protect them, and you can sense when they’re in danger,” Raphael explained. 

Simon slowly nodded. It was a lot to process. Of course, he knew that his feelings toward Raphael were mutual, but he didn’t know that that particular one was. 

“So, like a soulmate?” Simon asked, trying to get a better understanding. 

“Sort of…yes, actually,” Raphael said. 

“And how do we?” Simon asked. “Make it official, that is?" 

 

— 

 

“Are you sure you want this, mi amor?” Raphael asked softly, eyes peering directly into Simon’s. 

Simon paused for a minute, as if actually pondered the question. His apprehension wasn’t born from uncertainty; he knew that he wanted this. He felt feelings toward Raphael that he wouldn’t’ve even been able to describe to his human self. 

“Yes, I️ want this. When I️ first turned, the thought of living forever seemed unbearable. Now, with you, forever doesn’t feel like a burden anymore. It feels like a promise,” Simon said. 

Raphael maneuvered so he was closer to Simon. He then cupped his face with both of his hands and kissed him. The kisses then moved down to Simon’s jaw before Raphael made it down to his neck, leaving more kisses and finding where Simon’s pulse point would be with his mouth. The kisses became more intense, going from gentle pecks to sucking, licking, and gentle nipping. Simon then shuddered when he felt fangs lightly brush against his skin. 

Raphael then sunk his fangs into Simon’s skin, sucking out blood. 

Simon’s eyes rolled back as everything around him began to fade. Everything but Raphael, that is. It was like he was transported from reality into a void where they were the only two people and he never wanted to leave. It didn’t just feel like yin fen spreading throughout his body, it was Raphael, the man that he could never get enough of. 

It started out surprisingly gentle, but as it went on, Raphael tightly wrapped his arms around Simon, holding him possessively. As he tasted Simon, the millions of thoughts racing through his head were all reduced to one simple word: mine. 

Simon was glad to give himself over to Raphael. It felt right. In this crazy supernatural world, it felt natural. 

Simon released an exhale as Raphael withdrew his fangs, licking away the spare blood from the bleeding puncture wounds that he’d created. 

Raphael then looked at Simon again, the faint trace of blood on his lips and tips of fangs protruding. Even with the blood and the fangs, Raphael appeared more angelic to Simon than demonic. 

Simon then leaned in, licking his own blood from the other’s lips before their lips and tongues connected. He then placed a hand on Raphael’s throat before gently stroking the side of his neck with his fingers. He began going down, leaving a trail of gentle kisses along the clan leader’s neck. 

When he bit him, something changed within him. 

He knew he was in love with Raphael, that much was a given, but this was the first time that Simon ever wanted someone all to himself in this way. He was Raphael’s and Raphael was his. If there was such a thing as fate, this was it. 

Raphael’s fingers found themselves entangled in Simon’s hair as Raphael began to press him even closer. Simon didn’t fight this; he simply bit harder and deeper, feeling. Feeling so much. Feeling a new kind of desire that was something perfectly in between pure gentle affection and intense monstrous bloodlust. 

When Simon withdrew his own fangs, he licked away spare droplets of blood, continuing for a bit even after there was nothing left. He simply wanted to feel Raphael, to feel where he’d marked him, where he’d claimed him. 

When he was face to face with the other once again, he found himself stealing another kiss. They were bonded.

“I️ love you.” 

“I️ love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I️ hope you liked the chapter! If you have any word suggestions/requests, then feel free to leave them in the comments down below! Also, I️ do accept requests for fics outside of this work as well.


	3. Clan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon has been isolating himself.

Raphael was growing worried about Simon. Of course, he almost constantly found himself concerned about the fledgling for one reason or another, the way that he had recently been isolating himself was particularly alarming. 

He had a tendency to stay in his room for long periods of time, to the point where Raphael would practically have to drag him out to get him to train or even simply to eat something. 

At first, Raphael tried to be patient, understanding that the other was still essentially grieving the loss of his old life. However, as this went on, it got to a level where Raphael feared that it was unhealthy. 

The clan leader found himself outside of Simon’s room, about to knock on the door. Instead, he paused, listening to the sound of Simon quietly strumming his guitar and singing to himself. 

After a while, he decided that he needed to stop stalling and he knocked on the door finally. He could hear Simon jump in alarm, making a note to himself that he needed a lot more training. 

Simon put his guitar to the side, making his way to the door with some hesitation. 

When he opened the door, he saw Raphael. 

“Hey, Raph,” Simon said with a hint of confusion. He could’ve sworn it wasn’t time for him to train and he’d been in his room so he knew that he couldn’t’ve possibly done anything to make the clan leader angry with him. “What’s going on?” 

Raphael looked down before looking up at Simon again. 

“I️ wanted to check on you,” Raphael said. 

Simon raised his eyebrows in confusion before shaking his head. 

“Well, I’m good,” Simon lied. 

Raphael rolled his eyes. 

“Considering how much you lie to me I️’d think you’d be better at it by now,” he retorted. 

Simon clenched his jaw. 

“Well what do you want me to say? That I️ hate being a vampire? Because that’s true, but there’s nothing I️ can do about it so I️ am just trying to hold it together,” Simon admitted.

Raphael pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, remaining himself that he had to be patient with the young one. 

“I know, but you act like you’re the only one who has ever gone through this, like you have to do it alone,” Raphael explained. 

Simon shrugged.

“No one from my old life gets what this is like, and no one in the clan likes me, so I️ kind of am alone,” he said. 

Raphael sighed and shook his head. 

“Simon, about the clan…that’s not true. What makes you even think that?” Raphael asked. 

Simon paused for a moment. Looking back, he realized that he didn’t have any particular reason to believe that anyone in the clan had anything against him. 

He then shrugged, realizing that he really had no ground to stand on. 

“I don’t know. I️ guess I️ just assumed. I️ mean, I’m basically the worst vampire ever,” Simon said. 

At that, Raphael chuckled. 

“Aye, that is true, but no one holds that against you. Trust me,” he replied. 

Simon nodded. 

“So, can you try to make an effort instead of isolating yourself?” Raphael added. 

Simon clenched his jaw before sighing. 

“Yeah, I️ guess I️ can try,” he said. 

Raphael touched his arm. 

“Good,” he said. “Now come on, you’ve been up here too long.” 

Simon blinked and took a step back. 

“Wait, like right now?” Simon asked. 

Raphael nodded. 

“Yes, now. Come on,” he said. 

And with that, Raphael took Simon by the arm and dragged him out of his room. Simon didn’t protest, happy to have Raphael around to give him that extra push when he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I️ hope you liked this chapter even though it was super short. I️ just really wanted to get an update out. I️ have an idea as to what I️ might do for the next chapter but I'm not married to it so feel free to still give me your suggestions!


	4. Daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon misses the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon isn't a Daylighter in this.

Simon missed the sun. When he was alive, he took it for granted. Now, there it was, out for the whole world but if he set foot in it’s light he’d burn to a crisp. 

With a trembling hand, Simon began peeling open the curtain, exposing just a bit of the vibrant light. 

His other hand was shaking as it slowly moved toward the light. He bit into his bottom lip to stop himself from screaming, wincing in pain at his own burning hand, watching it as it singed. 

“Simon!” he heard a stern voice say. 

With that, he quickly pulled his hand back, letting go of the curtain before turning around to see Raphael getting up from the bed. 

“Raph…I️ didn’t know you were awake,” he said. 

In a second, Raphael was at his side. 

“What were you doing?” Raphael asked, eyeing the other up and down in a way that he knew intimidated him. 

Simon swallowed. 

“I️t’s nothing,” he said, putting his still burnt hand behind his back. 

Raphael gestured for Simon to let him see his hand. 

Reluctantly, Simon moved his hand from behind his back and stuck it out slightly for Raphael to see. The older vampire gasped, taking the other’s hand to examine it. Simon winced in pain. 

Raphael let go of his hand. 

“Why would you do that to yourself?” Raphael asked. 

Simon looked down, unable to face the other. 

“Answer me!” Raphael said, his voice low and stern. 

Simon clenched his jaw. 

“Because…I️ miss it. I️ miss the sun. I️ miss being alive and being human and not having to drink blood and not being a monster and being able to say you know what and not being burned by holy symbols and I…I️ just miss the sun,” he explained, bursting into tears. 

Gently, Raphael placed a hand under the fledgling’s chin, guiding his gaze back upwards. 

Seeing the other cry like that broke something in him. 

Raphael didn’t know exactly what to say, so he simply took the other in his arms, comforting, embracing. Simon angled his head down, resting it on the older vampire’s shoulder. 

Raphael stroked the other’s head. 

“Shhh, shhh. I know. Trust me, I know exactly how hard this is, but it’s going to be okay. I️ promise that it’s going to be okay.” 

Nothing about becoming a vampire was easy, but at least Simon was lucky enough to have Raphael by his side to guide him every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter. I️ hope you still liked it! More should be coming soon enough (at least I'll try to publish the next one soon).


	5. Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael deals with the news of his sister's passing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took so long to update. I️ had an idea for the chapter for a long time and started it a bunch of times but never finished it. The fact that I️ haven't updated has been bothering me so tonight I️ finally just sat down and wrote something, so I️ hope that it's not complete garbage.

Throughout the long years that stretched into another and accumulated themselves to become the majority of his life, Raphael felt the weight of his immortality. 

He felt it first with the death of his mother, the strong woman who he had watched grow old and feeble from the shadows. 

He watched in darkness as his family moved on and lived on without him, living life and growing old in the light of the sun as he never would. Sometimes he even envied them, and this included when the sweet embrace of death snatched them away. In fact, this may have even been when he envied them most. What a thing to grow old. To live life naturally as God intended and to finally come home after it all. But he knew it was no longer for him, knew that if he drove a stake through his heart or stood to bask in the warmth of the sun once more he’d only come to burn in the fiery pits of hell. So, he learned to live with that heartache. He learned to watch the lives of those he once loved pass him by. 

At least, he thought he had. He thought he was strong; he knew he was supposed to be. And yet, the phone call he received to inform him that his little sister, Rosa Santiago, had passed was more heart wrenching then he could have ever even imagined. He knew that she didn’t have much time left. He should’ve been ready, should’ve been prepared, yet there he was sitting at the edge of the bed completely motionless as he tried his best to comprehend how he could possibly move forward knowing that he didn’t have any family left, that he didn’t have anyone left. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed that he spent alone with his own thoughts and tears before Simon awoke to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped. 

When he heard the other sniffle, he maneuvered his way to sit next to the other. When he looked at him, Raphael quickly wiped away tears, trying to hide the fact that he had been crying. 

Simon placed a hand on Raphael’s thigh. 

“Raph, what is it?” Simon inquired softly. 

Raphael pressed his lips and shook his head solemnly. 

“It’s my sister, Rosa. She’s dead,” he said, another tear rolling down his cheek. 

Simon gasped. He didn’t know what to say. 

“I️ am so sorry. I know how much she meant to you,” he said, wishing he could say more. He just wished that there was something better he could think of, something that would actually make things better. 

Simon was no stranger to death. His father had passed away, however, he was only eight years old when it happened and hardly even understood his own feelings of grief. So, he in no way felt equipped to help Raphael. He himself had yet to truly experience the weight of eternity. 

Raphael shook his head. 

“I️ knew it was coming. I️ knew,” he said, both chastising himself for his own feelings of grief and trying to convince himself that he was okay. 

Simon came to place his hands on Raphael’s shoulders, embracing the older one. 

“You’re still allowed to grieve, Raph. She was your last living relative. This can’t be easy,” Simon said softly. 

Raphael clenched his jaw, pressing his lips together in a thin line. He shook his head. 

“It’s not,” he whispered. 

With that, Simon turned both of them around so the two were facing each other before allowing Raphael’s head to come to his shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry,” Simon whispered. 

Raphael didn’t respond with words, but the faint sound of his crying spoke volumes. 

“Let it out,” Simon said. “I’m here. It’s okay. Just let it out.” 

And Raphael did, realizing that while the pain was unbearable, he at least had someone there to help him carry the weight of his eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry it wasn't great, but I️ hope it was still okay. I️ already have F, G, and H planned, but if you have any ideas for I️ then please let me know!


	6. Fangs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is having trouble controlling his fangs around Raphael.

Simon always dreaded his training with Raphael. It wasn’t just because Raphael was harsh, stubborn, and impatient - though that definitely was part of it - it was more so because of the awkwardness of it all. 

He just always wished that the clan leader didn’t have to take his shirt off. It wasn’t that the sight of a shirtless Raphael bothered him - it was actually quite the opposite - it was just that it made it nearly impossible for Simon to control his fangs. 

It was during training that he had to keep repeating to himself mentally not to reveal his fangs. 

That was when he heard Raphael’s voice say, “hello? Earth to Simon?” 

Simon blinked, snapping back into reality. 

He tried to look the other in the eyes, locking his gaze there, but that proved to be difficult because abs. So, he found his eyes trailing down and looking there instead. 

That was when he was snapped back into reality once again by a literal snap of Raphael’s fingers. 

“Hey! My eyes are up here,” Raphael teased, smirking slightly. 

If Simon wasn’t so preoccupied with trying not to flash his fangs at the older vampire, he may have even taken the time to notice that the other had just potentially cracked a joke.

“Sorry,” Simon said, speech slightly slurred by extending fangs. 

Quickly, Simon put his hand over his mouth, covering his fangs. He then turned around to face the opposite wall. 

“Shit,” he cursed nervously. 

He tried to get his fangs to retract, but it was hard to do at the thought of Raphael behind him, especially as he felt him begin to inch closer. 

Simon flinched when he felt a cool hand touch his shoulder. It was probably for the best that he didn’t see how Raphael rolled his eyes as he realized how far Simon had to go with his training. He swore sometimes it was like the fledgling didn’t have vampire senses at all. Still, that wasn’t the main concern, so he casted it aside. 

“Simon. Simon, look at me,” Raphael said, his tone even. 

Simon shook his head. 

“I️ can’t,” he replied. 

Raphael sighed. 

“Yes, you can. C’mon,” he urged. 

With much reluctance, Simon slowly turned around to face the other. 

He tried to gasp in a breath, but the air felt thick with the tension between them. This time Simon did manage to lock eyes with the other, but it left him with an even worse feeling of vulnerability that was beginning to eat away a pit in his stomach. 

“Control, Simon,” Raphael instructed. 

“I️ can’t do it,” Simon breathed through fangs. 

Gently, the clan leader placed a hand on the fledgling’s face, which did not help at all. All it did was make Simon want to kiss the other which - bad, no, no. 

“Close your eyes,” Raphael said softly. 

Simon did as he was told, growing even more away of the other’s touch as well as his general closeness to him as he cut off one of his senses. 

“Just focus on my voice,” Raphael said. 

Considering that Simon found Raphael’s voice sexy too, that wasn’t exactly resolving the fang situation. 

“Remember that you are in control,” Raphael said. 

Simon nodded. 

“I️ am in control,” Simon whispered, fangs retracting. 

Raphael removed his hand from the other’s face and took a step back as he opened his eyes. 

“See? That wasn’t so bad,” Raphael said. 

Simon shook his head. 

“Raph, I️ think I️ need a new trainer,” Simon blurted out. 

Raphael raised an eyebrow. 

“And why is that?” he asked. 

“Because…” Simon began. 

Raphael tilted his head to the side slightly, growing impatient. 

“Because what?” he asked. 

Simon exhaled, trying to form any semblance of a coherent thought. 

“Well, you’re…” he began, trailing off again. 

With that, Raphael took a step forward. 

“I’m what?” he asked innocently, beginning to grow a bit smug, seeming to take a slight bit of vindictive pleasure from Simon’s frazzled state. 

“You’re, uh, you’re distracting,” Simon finally managed to say. 

“I️’m distracting?” Raphael reiterated. 

Simon looked down at his feet. 

“Yes, Raphael, you’re distracting,” Simon said. 

Raphael shrugged. 

“How so?” he said in the same smug fake innocent tone from before. 

Simon looked back up. 

“Because I️ mean how am I️ supposed to retain literally anything if I’m thinking about kissing my hot trainer the whole time,” Simon blurted out. 

Raphael raised his eyebrows. 

Simon’s eyes widened as he realized what he’d just said. 

“Oh shit…” he cursed. 

Raphael chuckled. 

“How about we let that be an incentive?” Raphael suggested. 

Simon was still staring at the other with wide eyes, mouth now agape. 

“Huh?” he asked. 

“If you can stop drooling over me and focus, then I’ll let you kiss me,” Raphael said, and while Simon could hardly believe his ears, even with his enhanced hearing, the training went much more smoothly after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I️ hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. If you did, please let me know by leaving kudos and commenting down below. Also, if you plan on sticking around for the next 20 chapters, then don't forget to subscribe. While I️ do have words for G and H, I️ am still accepting word suggestions for I️-Z, so please don't hesitate to leave them in the comments below. I️ hope to see you next time!


	7. God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael helps Simon regain the ability to say God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I know it's been a while. I've been super busy with senior year, college apps, theatre, and the like. Thank you for being so patient. I️ hope you enjoy this chapter!

Simon fidgeted awkwardly. As he turned his gaze down toward his feet, he could still feel the other’s eyes pinned to him. He looked back up as Raphael waited for him to say something. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Simon said. 

He wasn’t exactly sure how to approach the subject, but he still knew that he needed to ask. 

“What is it?” Raphael asked. 

Simon exhaled. 

“On the night that I️ turned…” he began, trailing off slightly. He hated even thinking about that night, and it was even more painful to actually talk about. He’d never felt so alone in his life. His world had ended. He’d also never been so angry at Clary. Not to mention that the guilt of calling Raphael a monster still haunted him. 

He quickly snapped himself back to reality before continuing to speak. 

“You said that I️ can regain the ability to say G-…errr - the G word - and I️ guess I️ just wanted to know how,” Simon finally said. 

Raphael sighed. He should’ve known that Simon was going to ask this eventually, but he still hadn’t been entirely prepared for it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help Simon, it was just that the knew that the process took a lot of work and could be painful and didn’t want Simon to go through that. 

“I’m going to be honest with you, Simon. It can be a painful process and it takes work. Are you sure you want this?” Raphael asked. 

Without hesitation, Simon nodded rapidly. 

“I️ need this, Raph. I️ have to at least try to feel like myself again,” Simon replied. 

Raphael pressed his lips together and nodded pensively. He himself understood the need to hang on to faith, to have something that can transcend the boundaries of life and death. 

“Very well, then. We’ll start tomorrow.” 

— 

Simon screamed once again in agony, but only held on tighter to the necklace with the star of David that was in his hand. He wasn’t going to give up. 

“Simon, that’s enough for right now,” Raphael said. 

Simon simply ignored the clan leader, determined to finish what he had started. He clenched his jaw, biting back another scream. 

Raphael stepped closer to Simon, locking his gaze into the other’s eyes. 

“Simon. Enough,” he said quietly but sternly. 

Simon placed the necklace down on a nearby table before giving a resigned sigh, looking disappointed. 

Noticing the fledgling’s expression, Raphael placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“Rome wasn’t built in a day,” he said. 

Simon nodded. He’d try again tomorrow. 

— 

Simon barely made it through the front door of the Hotel Dumort before collapsing to the ground, too weak to stand. 

Raphael rushed to his side, taking note of how badly the other was burned. Wasting no time at all, Raphael scooped Simon up bridal style before laying him down gently on the golden sofa, all while Simon groaned in pain. 

The clan leader grabbed a blood bag, emptying the contents into a glass before propping Simon up and bringing the glass to his lips. It was a bit messy, some of the blood staining Simon’s neck and clothes but he luckily still got enough to trigger his healing process. 

Raphael waited for the other to heal before asking any questions. 

“What happened?” Raphael asked, concern in his voice. 

Simon shook his head dismissively. 

“Nothing. It was nothing,” he said quickly. 

Raphael raised an eyebrow and gave the other an expression that demonstrated that he was not fucking around. 

Simon looked away, unable to look the clan leader in the eyes. 

Raphael closed his eyes for a moment and sighed before opening them again. 

“You tried to stand on holy ground, didn’t you?” Raphael inferred. 

Simon fell completely silent. 

“Answer me,” Raphael said, voice quiet but filled with angry shards of ice. 

Sheepishly, Simon nodded. 

“You could’ve died,” Raphael said with the same quiet anger. 

“I️ know,” Simon replied. 

“Why did you do it?” Raphael asked. 

“You know why,” Simon responded. 

Raphael glared at Simon, eyes piercing into his soul. 

“Don’t do it again,” he warned. 

Simon nodded. 

He just wanted to say it, but it didn’t matter. He’d try again tomorrow. 

— 

Many tomorrows had passed. Simon once again found himself holding the star of David necklace, still burning his hand but not causing him the same excruciating pain as it did before. 

“G-…” Simon started. 

He took a deep breath. 

“G-d,” he tried again. 

He looked up at Raphael with a pleading expression. 

“You can do it,” Raphael said. 

“G-od. God. God!,” Simon exclaimed. 

He set the necklace down, a smile painted across his face. His eyes then began to water with tears of joy. 

“I️…I️ said it! Raphael, I️ said it!” Simon exclaimed. 

Raphael gave a slight smile. 

“I’m proud of you,” he said sincerely. 

Simon nodded. 

“Thank you. Thank you so much! Just, I don’t even know how to thank you,” Simon said. 

Raphael smiled. He placed a hand on Simon’s shoulder. 

“No need to thank me; it was all you,” Raphael said. 

He wanted to say more to Simon, but he couldn’t quite form the words. It was okay, though. He’d try again tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I️ hope you liked this chapter! If you did, please let me know by leaving kudos and commenting. If you want to see the rest of the alphabet, then don't forget to subscribe. Also, let me know if you have letter suggestions! I've already received one for H that I️ will be using, but if you have anything for I️ and on then please say so in the comments.

**Author's Note:**

> So I️ hope you enjoyed! If you did, please let me know by commenting and leaving kudos. If you would like to stay up to date with new chapters, then don't forget to subscribe.


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